Love and trust in a relationship

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Love and trust in a relationship

When Stacy Rouse, site manager of the Pepperdine Volunteer Center, attended college in Texas, she and her roommate collected and saved all the Dr. Pepper cans they drank and displayed them on a wall in their dorm room.

Psychology Professor Steve Rouse, who also went to school in Texas, had bought the then Stacy Johnson a drink on a particularly tough day, which she then placed in the middle of her soda can display. The Rouses have been married since Whether one looks at long-term couples, newlyweds, or seasoned married folk, the challenges and successes of each relationship foster an opportunity for self-growth and understanding others better.

Before finding a romantic partner, many often feel a pressure to pursue a romantic relationship, marriage and then a family. But for some single people, the pressure to be in a relationship comes from an internal desire to get married, Relationship IQ Director Kelly Haer said. Haer has researched the emotional experience of singleness, particularly for those who want to be married. She said the construct called ambiguous loss — which can be when a person is psychologically present to another person but is physically absent — describes how some single people might be feeling.

Haer said she has found that for many individuals, identifying this feeling of ambiguous loss, seeking mutual support and connecting with others helps one to accept this ambiguity and find meaning and hope during it. Doran said he thinks Christians who might be feeling this pressure should consider whether they believe Jesus, who did not marry, is the epitome of what it means to be human.

Hargrave said that although being single is a great choice, even single people need others to go through life together. Seaver College and School of Law alumnus Matt Myatt and his wife Deidra said they grew in their understanding of what it means to go through life with another person after getting married in January.

Love and trust in a relationship

The couple moved to Uganda, where Matt Myatt had already been working, and lived there for eight months. This was their first time living together, as well as living in an unfamiliar place without any family or friends, Matt Myatt said. Matt Myatt said he also realized the value in seeking community and mentorship to support their marriage as a couple. Less people are getting married, according to TIME magazine.

This can make marriage seem like only a title for some.

Love and trust in a relationship

To Doran, marriage is an important public covenant, where both parties consent to the marriage and witnesses to the marriage help to support the relationship. Katie White, Pepperdine alumna, started dating her current boyfriend Jaxon Burgess, a alumnus and first-year Pepperdine law student, about three years ago, after she returned from studying abroad during her sophomore year.

Love and trust in a relationship

White said being single her freshman and sophomore years allowed her to be present during her study abroad experience, build community with others and learn more about herself before getting into a committed relationship. Hargrave said how people are loved by others teaches them about their identity, emphasizing the importance of love in relationships.

Love and trust in a relationship

Relationship dynamics from birth impact this development, and unhealthy coping mechanisms can form if those dynamics are destructive, Hargrave said. One of the problems in relationships is a tendency to cut the other person off and leave when things get especially challenging. However, Hargrave said by empowering people to identify their own feelings and coping mechanisms and focus on their own participation in a relationship, they can change their interactions within the relationship.

Love and trust in a relationship

Hargrave said another essential part of a relationship — in addition to love — is trust. There are three ificant components of trust: predictability, openness and honesty, and balance. Pepperdine senior David McQuilkin said in his relationship with his boyfriend Justin Welling, he feels he can be fully transparent with his emotions — fulfilling the second pillar of trust: openness and honesty. McQuilkin said an important milestone for him in the relationship was when he stayed with Welling and his family. Family became an especially important part of the relationship for McQuilkin when he lost his mom to cancer in December Hargrave, who met her now-husband Terry Hargrave while in eighth grade, said their dating relationship lacked stability because of her fear of relationships due to the loss of her father and two brothers.

She and Terry have now been married for 41 years, have raised a son and a daughter and have two grandsons. Pepperdine alumni Lexi Johnson and Harold Aguayo met when they were first-years and have been dating for three years. Aguayo said during their friendship and when they first started dating, they had established three values in their relationship: communication, transparency and honesty. Their relationship also exemplifies the third component of trust, balance. When thinking about the topic of soul mates, Doran said he and his wife both believe that it is possible for them to be married to other people and still live perfectly happy lives.

Doran said he is not a big fan of the concept of soul mates and does not think it is real; however, he does believe that there is something about feeling connected to another person. As a former scientist, Doran thinks about the Quantum Entanglement Theory, which is when there is an entanglement between particles and something could happen on one side of the universe that would be entangled with another part of the universe.

Aguayo and Johnson said they are not huge fans of the concept of soul mates because they think it implies that everything in a relationship is easy, when in reality, a lot of hard work is put in.

Love and trust in a relationship

Hargrave said she believes relationships can be challenging because a marriage or a relationship often acts as a mirror that allows a person to see themself like they never have before. While this can be difficult, the relationship is still worthwhile, as there is no greater joy than having a companion that goes through life with you. You must be logged in to post a comment. About Us Contact Advertising. Photo courtesy of Chris Doran. Photo courtesy of Katie White. Photo courtesy of David McQuilkin. Photo courtesy of Lexi Johnson. Photo courtesy of Sharon Hargrave.

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Love and trust in a relationship

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